We came here today to say good-bye.
You may have left us, but you will never die.
For as long as we live, so will you.
We will keep you with us in all that we do.
We will keep you always in our own special place.
We will feel your caress, hear your voice, see your face.
You were with us from our beginnings.
We are with you in the end.
Good-bye our dearest loved one and friend.
(FAREWELL By Marla Topliff)
We are gathered here today to pay our tribute of affection and respect to our dear friend and loved one, Ina Lee Koonin, who has been taken from us. No matter what the circumstances, saying good-bye is always a painfully difficult task. We reach out with caring and sympathy to the family of Ina Lee Koonin, to her beloved husband Marshall, to her devoted daughter, Susan, to her son-in-lawJoe, to all of her extended family and friends, who have come to say Shalom to this very special woman, and those who are unable to be with us today but are surely with us in spirit. May these moments together be filled with memories of a mutual friend and loved one, who only such a short time ago enriched our lives by her presence. Her death leaves us saddened but uplifted in spirit because of our many memories of a life well-lived.
Summing up the life of a person is a very formidable task – perhaps even an impossible one — for no eulogy can ever be complete. No matter how well we might know her, our words can never truly do her justice. And besides, each of you brings you own collection of special memories to this moment of farewell, each of which is unique. It is my hope that, by sharing the loving thoughts of her family with you, each of you will, in turn, draw from your well-spring of fond and loving memories as you fill in your personal memory picture.
As we look back upon her life, we see that, despite far more than her share of adversity, Lee was blessed with a good life, one that brought her a goodly measure of happiness, joy, contentment and fulfillment. During the years allotted to her, she gave freely of her caring, love and friendship, and likewise received so very much from you. Describing Lee is no simple task. She was quiet, reserved and even shy, yet not many of the myriads of people she met in her life, would describe her in those terms. Most people knew Lee as a determined, passionate advocate for people needing total perenteral nutrition, also known as TPN, and related treatments. They also knew her as a person blessed with a seemingly endless supply of caring and kindness.
Marshall, you and Lee met when you were in high school. You were high school sweethearts, and later were married when you were young — 55 years ago. Lee brought true love into your life. You discovered not only the passion of young love, but also found an abundance of loving, caring and nurturing in both Lee and her mother, Bertha, that wonderfully enriched your lives.
In the more than half-a-century, you and Lee built on the strong loving foundation and were truly partners in all that you did. She supported you in your business ventures in many ways, and you were very involved in her ongoing campaign to bring improved quality of life for those who faced challenges similar to her own health issues. Whatever you did, you did together. You lives were beautifully intertwined in a bond of love that enabled the two of you not only to enjoy each other, but to find happiness in all the good things that came your way. Sharing took on a whole new meaning in your lives.
Only several years into her marriage, Lee discovered that she was suffering from Crohn’s Disease. In 1958 treating severe Crohn’s and other related conditions was a very inexact science. Periodic hospital stays and heavy use of steroids became the order of the day. Lee, like many others lived a relatively normal life between “episodes.” Then in 1977, she literally found herself starving to death as her body could not make use of the nutrients in her food. She was down to 68 pounds. At that time, there were 6 hospitals in the United States which were experimenting with a procedure known at Total Parenteral Nutrition or TPN. Nowhere were there provisions for patients to administer TPN at home. Please ask yourselves a question: how can a person live a normal life if that person is tied to a hospital on a daily basis in order to live? People were either fed through a tube placed into the nose that went into the stomach (Enteral nutrition) or through a vein (TPN). My friends, it is not customary to speak in detail about a medical condition at a service of farewell.; today, however, is more than appropriate. Jewish Tradition has a wonderful maxim which states: “The person who saves one life is as if that person saved the entire world.” Ina Lee saved thousands of lives by her efforts.
When faced with having to be tied to a hospital on a daily basis, she acquired the needed nursing skills to care for herself and the needed pharmacological knowhow to prepare her own nutrients for TPN. She convinced doctors that she could handle TPN at home — something that just was not done.
A year later, in 1978, Lee and Marshall established the Lifeline Foundation to help others in her situation. In the years that followed, Lee and Marshall worked tirelessly to promote the needs of fellow suffers. She appeared on television shows in many areas. She lobbied with doctors and insurance companies. She and Marshall even dealt with the Congress of the United States to enable people needing TPN to be covered by Health Insurance policies — something the Insurance companies were not happy about, because TPN foodstuffs have to be shipped in refrigerated containers weekly.
In 1986 The Lifeline Foundation merged with the newly-established Oley Foundation to promote the needs of TPN users. There are now medical companies that specialize in preparing these nutrients One such company, Nutrishare, has an annual gathering of its clients and families. The year that Marshall and Lee celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, they were on a boat in the Potomac River as part of this gathering. The president of the company summed up the accomplishments of Lee and Marshall simply. He stated: “My friends, you may not know these people, but without them, you would not be here today.” Lee and Marshall were never ones to be in the limelight. They worked for this cause because it was of crucial importance to many people.
Yet it did not define their lives. Lee was a loving daughter, wife and mother. She developed a bond of love with Susan which is incredibly strong. Susan, you have brought your parents great joy and have made them very proud. You had a special relationship with your mother, one that enriched both of your lives. When Lee had a bad setback two months ago, you put your life on hold, and flew from Washington D.C., on less than two hours notice. You have been here for two months, and indeed you and your father along with Joe provided a cocoon of love and caring for Lee during her final struggle for wholeness.
Lee had a wonderful love of life. While most people would say she had good reason to complain about the hand dealt to her, she rarely did so. She found continual joy in life, enjoying her flowers, music and sunsets. She had a remarkably upbeat outlook about life. She loved to say: Life would be perfect only if the VCR would work.” She looked for the good things, and took adversity in stride. We could all learn from her wonderful outlook. I could go on and on, but I will leave you to fill in your own person memory picture.
Before I conclude, I would like to share with you a very lovely and, I trust, a fitting poem:
THE MEASURE OF A WOMAN
Not how did she die, but how did she live,
Not what she gained, but what did she give,
These are the units to measure the worth Of a woman as a woman, regardless of her birth.
Not what was her station, but had she a heart,
And how did she play her God-given part.
Was she ever ready with a word of good cheer
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear.
Not what was her church, not what was her creed,
But had she befriended those really in need?
Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when she passed away.
When each of us pauses to take a long, hard look at what we have done with our lives, and what we have accomplished in the years allotted to us so far, we hopefully discover that it is not through monumental acts that we have a real impact upon others. In all honesty, how many people have the opportunity to perform such acts? Very few indeed! Rather, it is through everyday living, through those small but significant acts of caring and kindness, that we touch each other’s lives. In the last analysis we leave our mark simply by being ourselves.
We thank you, O God, for all of the blessings that you have bestowed upon Ina Lee Koonin. May her memory be for us an eternal blessing.
The Hebrew name of Ina Lee Koonin is Chanah Leah Bat David V’Brendel Eulogy By Rabbi Robert Goodman, Ph.D zrabbi1@gmail.com
Copyright 2009
